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Why [infusion] ?

in-fuse [in-fyooz]
–verb (used with object)

1.	to introduce, as if by pouring; cause to penetrate; instill (usually fol. by into): The energetic new principal infused new life into the school.

2.	to imbue or inspire (usually fol. by with): The new coach infused the team with enthusiasm.

One day I woke up and realized that I'd dichotomized myself. I've had two distinct blogs to cover two distinct parts of who I am.

Call Me Optimistic was originally started as my "Thankful" blog. I used a great idea from Meisha to post a list of things I was thankful for every day. I started undergoing several changes in life and began to adjust my way of thinking. I saw the world so much differently and began to see so many subtle underlying parts of life that so many of us (including myself) just brush by in our every day scramble to meet life's expectancies. The blog morphed into something consisting more of a mind, body, and spiritual nature. I would talk about thoughts and discoveries that I knew would be shared, but not specifically out in front of the world. I wouldn't necessarily hide it, but I wouldn't openly share it and a part of me and my world.

Cognitive Hallucinations was my blog for the outside world. It has been the place I've chosen to share the parts of me that I've wanted to share with the world. These are the things I've perceived as my defining personality characteristics.

The problem was that I'd been sharing who I was with the world as two distinct halves. What's the problem with that? ....I'm only one person :)

I had dichotomized myself. It came to me while Meisha and I were watching a documentary on modern medicine. They were exploring the fact that the mind and it's interaction in both a physical and emotional nature with the body have been mostly removed from Western medicine. When a person is experiencing a physical ailment, doctors are to only approach said ailment on a physical level. They are not to diagnose any mental/emotional connections. Sometimes people get sick for emotional reasons. But Western medicine cannot acknowledge that. This is the practice of dichotomy: separating a patients physical aspects from their mental/emotional/spiritual side and only diagnosing one half. That practice has been fine for broken legs, but what about someone who experiences constant nausea, vomiting, migraines and fainting spells due to post-traumatic stress disorder? What are they to do? Usually they see a doctor first. He can't explain it and they must see someone else. Because through dichotomy, those aspects have been separated.

So I'm not in the hospital, so who cares, right? Well, somehow it seems I've performed this act on myself and the side effects seem to have caused me to live to different halves of life. I've realized that I can share both halves of me in one place (Plus it's just less confusing).

As a result, my two halves have been fused here. In a melty concoction of Optimistic Hallucinations. So if you want to talk to me, or learn from me, or listen to me, or look at me, or connect with me, you're welcome to do so here.

Namaste.

whatiscolor:part2:contemplation

What is color? This almost seems a fitting title for my life in general at times. You see, I am married to Meisha  . She has achromatopsia . She literally sees no color. Her life consists of intense light sensitivity and shades of gray.

So how does that affect me, you ask? I've had to learn how to view my own life in a world without color. I've learned to describe things as simply light or dark, not yellow or red. I've learned (really still learning) to switch my brain between colored thinking (when the rest of the world "requires" it) and non-colored thinking (when I'm with Meisha). I'm constantly trying to imagine things like: "What would this look like if I didn't associate it with being red? Would it still hold the same beauty for me? Does it hold the same beauty for her?" I also constantly wonder what beauty means to her.

I find myself disgusted and disturbed when I hear people make comments like "You must live in a very ugly world." I want to slap those people and wake them up. Have you ever seen an Ansel Adams photo? His images are among the most beautiful in the world to me and find myself reminding myself of that fact often. When we come across a stunning landscape, I think: "How would Ansel Adams capture this?" and I'm sure even those images in my brain can't compare with how the world actually looks to Meisha. It's just my easiest frame of reference.

Have you ever thought about what your life would be like without any color?

Think about your favorite color.

What does it mean to you? Does it represent a happy childhood memory? Or a beautiful sky? Or a significant other's eyes? Does it bring with it an entire concept and/or feeling? Now think about another color. Think about what it represents to you. Notice the flashes of images running through your head and you picture items or feelings or ideas it may represent to you.

Now strip all your mental association of those items/feelings/ideas with that color. Strip everything in your world from the association with color.

Think about an apple. When most people are asked to describe an apple, what's the first descriptor they give? ....uhhhm..... it's red...... and ......uhhhhm. If an apple wasn't red, would it still be an apple? If the sky wasn't blue, would it still be the sky? The list goes on and on. I find myself wondering... "How would a blind person describe an apple and would that be a more accurate description of what it really is?" I like to think so.

Here's something I've learned: color can blind people. It's often very difficult for people to give an accurate description of many items or landscapes without using color as a descriptor. When an item is mainly associated with it's color as it's defining characteristic, it becomes disassociated with what the item truly is.

Here's an example: What is a sunset? Most would describe it as the sky changing into a beautiful array of colors such as (insert colors here).
But when you take away color, what is a sunset really? As the sun sets, the shorter wavelengths (daytime sky) of light are not as effected by the earth's gravity as are the longer wavelengths (sunset sky). Therefor as the sun sets we get an over abundance of the longer wavelength's light. The particles in the sky reflect this light so we can see it. The end result is this:

(Source)

Call me a geek, but I think the fact that we get to see this amazing scientific anomaly on a daily basis is amazing, regardless of color. That's not to say that I haven't seem some amazingly beautiful colored sunsets, but I've learned to see deeper into the sunset for what it really is and not just the "pretty colors".

What's the point to all of this, you ask? Well, the point is simple: sometimes there is much more to life than our perception can comprehend. Think about how many other things in your life you may have given a defining factor to, when perhaps there is much more there than just the obvious characteristics.

Labels can destroy beauty. When you label a person as angry or happy or goth or a jock or quiet or shy or loud or obnoxious, do you really think that label can define everything that person really is? Have you ever met someone whom you thought to be very shy and introverted, but upon getting to know them, you find out it's just an outside layer or shell to an amazingly unique individual who can be very extroverted when in their own comfort zone?

I feel one of the easiest ways to see the beauty in the world is to disassociate all things from their labels and let those things just be. You'll find as you remove labels from things, you begin to recreate your own reality. When you no longer need to label something, you have the ability to learn so much more about it. Where did it come from? Why is here? Why have I chosen to see it? What's it made of?

Meisha has helped me to learn that there is so much more to life than the labels we provide. She sees beauty in structure and design and composition, not color. I often wish that I could see experience just one day of life the way she does. It must be beautiful. Until then, I can only imagine....

Simply. Amazing.

Spheres from Regis Hervagault on Vimeo.